Pffewie. I messed up.

Here's first lesson in what I've been learning lately:

Trust my intuition, and be true to my soul.

REGARDLESS of what other people think or say.

Why? At the end of the day, I still have to be with me. That's why. Besides, if I'm not listening to my soul, then I'm obviously not progressing. In order to progress, I must listen to what my soul needs at the time. Disregard that and then MAN we have problems.

You guessed it. Hit the deck! We have problems. It all started last night. I'm reminded once again of why saying something in order to please others is not a good idea. I went to church today.. and gahhhh!!!!!!! There are so many thoughts which ran through my head. First thought was:

Things are not done our time frame. There could be numerous reasons for this... or that I believe anyway.

a) We're not manifesting strong enough to the universe.

b) We (totally an "I" statement as well) need to relax and realize that most things take TIME, ENERGY, and WORK. There is not really such a thing as something for nothing.

It's frustrating to me because there are so many things which I want now, which are happening to other people.. and I'm not getting. Patience is clearly NOT one of my strong points. I really do believe that I will gain it with time. See? Even someone not religious can get something out of church... although I wouldn't say it was worth it.

And.. of course there's my battle with religion. It's clarified yet again that I don't believe in this particular religion. My soul really didn't want me to go.. so guess what? I'm not going to go. I found balance without religion... and that's where it will stay. Not because I'm stubborn, but because it feels right.

The other battle I'm having is in thinking about WHO IN THE WORLD I'VE BECOME! Who is this girl? I simply do not know her anymore. I want to be something so much more. I want to have real respect for myself. Within the past while I've done some dangerous things to myself.. and wow... I need to stop. Hanging too close to the edge and I'm falling.

So, it's simply time to bring life back up again.

School, you're welcome to come. One. Freaking. Week.