Education

Tonight has been a truly fantastic night. Call me strange, but I love studying. I will write a real post one of these days. Boy, am I tired. The big move is happening so soon, I might get a job, I'm starting to make plans for the summer. Tonight I finished a paper, finished packing, and studied! What a wonderful, wonderful night! Now, I get to lay here with my love. Good night/morning all!

The brink of insanity

You guessed it, the title says it all. I feel like a nutcase right now. This week is really going to get to me. I'm sick... have been very sick, but I can't pay attention to it to be honest. This week I really just have to keep on pressing forward, over and over again, for this is the week where I need to drive my fist into the ground. "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." This seems to be the theme of my life right now. With the religious connotation now gone for me, it strictly just means that. Nothing but good hard work. *sigh*

I need to raise my marks.

I need to finish two research papers.

I need to pack, so we can move.

I need to do taxes.

I need to get physically better.

I need to get a job.

GAH! I've felt like such a bag all day. Lower tolerance for things like stupidity. My self-esteem has just been sinking lower and lower. Honestly, if it wasn't for my wonderfully fantastic man I think... well.. I don't want to think in those terms. My schedule until Friday looks something like:

work on research paper

study

pack

study

plan date

study

I did register for my classes though.. and I have the most amazing boyfriend EVER! Procrastination is evil and I just want all this stress to be DONE!

Goodnight all!

Cognitive Dissonance

I've come across the term in Ethics.. in Logic.. and now, it's finally resignating in Psychology. Cognitive Dissonance: a term which vaguely means that your actions are not in line with your beliefs. Unfortunately, this seems to have been the story of my life lately. I didn't realize it.. until now. I am so grateful to good friends, because it was only after a conversation with a good friend that I realized this was happening. The person who I've been is so different from who I am. What changed me? I don't think it's necessarily to completely point fingers, after all it was my choice to respond in the way that I did.. but some things were definitely influenced by one person for me. Under abusive ideas and manipulative means, my personality took a complete turn. It was dark, and I literally felt like a crazy person. This person harnessed my emotions and fired them back against me. In a lot of ways I felt defenseless... but this person had such a strong hold, such a strong hold. Well, no longer. Into the light I go... I want to stand for something. I don't want to be another face in the ground, and that is who I've become. Luckily people can change. Situations change. Life changes. I want to set goals, and live free... free. I want to remember what that feels like.

I met a lady

"Oh good, there's people on my bus."

This woman was chipper. She was lovely, and she just inspired me to a wonderful extent. Lately it's been rather difficult trying to get over things which are semi out of my control. Meeting this lady was pure chance, or maybe not so. I guess I could believe in a degree of fate for this sort of thing. I've felt like I've been floundering quite heavily. Just trying to swim to the shore. I forgot about people who were as chipper as her. I forgot about people who just seem to care about life as much as she seems to. I must say, it was quite the first impression. "You never know what life is going to bring you, isn't it fantastic?"

I wish I had time or that I was emotionally able to explain my thoughts and emotions, but basically I just have new rejuvenation! Welcome to life. I hope I run into her again, for she has definitely inspired me.