I can't even begin to explain how tired I am.. how sleep deprived I am.. yes, partially my fault. Last night for whatever reason I could NOT sleep. Tonight I'll have trouble sleeping, but for different reasons.
I had a terrible dream this morning. All I remember was that it had a girl who recently defriended me in it, and that she was discussing how disappointed in me she was. It breaks my heart that things have gone the way they have. To have her nagging at me.. ugh. Not a pleasant thing to wake up to.
Then I went to school. For now, school seems to be the thing keeping me sane. I had my logic class. The second that they said philosophy.. and logic together.. I became ecstatic! Not one but TWO philosophy courses this semester. I'm in heaven....
Only one class today, so I went to lunch with a friend. Which ended up being kind of down and frustrating for me.. for a variety of different reasons which ultimately don't matter. It's people, relationships and life. It simply happens.
LA School of hair was wear she dropped me off. I got my hair done! I LOVE it! The girl was super awesome who did my hair. We found out we had a lot of mutual friends. Plus, she did an awesome cut.
As you can see.. it was a rocky day. A VERY rocky day. After I got my haircut, I got to see R. My wonderful R. He leaves to move an hour away from me in the afternoon tomorrow.. so this is the last time I'll be seeing him for a little while. Yeah yeah, an hour might not be a big deal.. but it's hard to not have the person you care about in the same city. By now you're probably thinking, what in the world is with the subject heading? (haha! Although I wonder if anyone actually reads this...) Here's what it is. I've decided to place some of the story of R.
My friend introduced us. Then she asked me if I thought he was cute and I figured 'Hey why not get to know this guy?' At first, I was NOT fond of him. I found him to be incredibly pushy.. some stuff happened, and I stopped talking to him for a while. After talking about it with another friend, she said that the only girl since the time we had met, was me.. We met back in the summer.. and he didn't feel good enough, because I was with other guys. I knew he wanted me, but I didn't want him. There was a point when I did start talking to him again.. and it was during that period where he became a really GOOD friend. The things that bothered me about him seemed to disappear... more and more I realized I was wrong...
After being in two not-so-ideal relationships, I was skeptical. When I realized that I cared for R in those ways, it shocked me. I felt terrible, because I knew I had hurt him. I knew it, but what could I really do? I asked him a few questions.. I asked him if he would've wanted me if I had wanted him, if he would've been with me, and he said yes. We continued talking for a while and I said 'Okay, I have to be honest.. it's because I think I want to be with you too.' He had figured. He knew everything which had happened, and understood my skepticism. It was sudden, out of nowhere, and he was planning on moving because he couldn't find work here. I put him into a dilemma, and I felt bad about that. I told him that it was okay... that I was fine with us not being together. He said he'd think about it over the weekend.
While he was gone, we talked a couple times and he kept on talking about how he missed me. 'There's other girls here, but it's just not the same as having you. I want you here.' It was then decided, that we were something.
This might just be the beginning, but I really believe that having the solid friendship behind our relationship has caused us to be closer than normal. I don't fall easy, but I fall hard. I kind of laughed when friends would say, 'What? Another relationship?' Because this isn't just another relationship... This is something different. Something special. Something unbelievable, and every day I'm amazed more. I almost discussed myself with how much this sounds like a chick flick in some ways.. this is why I thought of the story of Pride & Prejudice. I judged him, and now I'm falling. I'm so happy with him, and this time it's real. It's incredible. So beautiful.
Tonight was beautiful. We talked, played, held each other and enjoyed each other's company. I probably shouldn't have spent so much time with him this evening because of school, but I wanted to soak in every minute. He said, "I'm going to really miss you. I really will." I put my head in his shoulder, started crying. He just held onto me.. held my face. Then I started giggling, and told him I felt like I was in a chick flick. There was a few tears, and lots of just enjoying each other.
I don't know what the future holds, but for now I'm going to miss him holding me.
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