Discovering life through stories.

Simulations. I'm sure many of you have heard of the term before. Actually, many might be pushing my luck. Let's start with what a simulation is. A simulation is role play. Real life situations without real life consequences. There are no limitations with simulations. The only restrictions with simulations are ones that you create for yourself. Shouldn't this be the way that life is? Maybe it is. Who is really restricting us besides ourselves? There are things that can kind of prevent for us, but I do believe that if God wills it, it will happen.

One of the simulations I did over the weekend was called "Mind field." There were a bunch of bottles and cups on the floor, kind of spaced out. We had to get to one side of the room to the other without touching the bottles or cups or else we had to go back to the beginning. Oh yeah, we were blindfolded. We had to listen to a guide who was only allowed to stay behind a taped line. You could only really hear them when you first started out on your journey. Then, we decided to throw in deceivers. The particular girl that we chose to have for a deceiver was incredible, but oh sooo frustrating! Yes, she was a genius, but never before have I had such infuriating feelings toward someone. She would move the bottles into a wall that cradled my feet. She would not cease. I did end up giving up because there seemed to be no way around her trap. I ended up learning a lot from the experience, but that does not mean that it was enjoyable.

Adversity doesn't quit on us. Adversity doesn't say 'oh, Lucy has that weakness so I'll be lenient.' no no no no! He thinks 'A weakness - hooray!'

But this is what I mean. Stories help (at least me) to figure out problems. I think of simulations as stories. I am a character in it - and how I react can make or break me. There have been some simulations where I have figured out how to lead a rebellion, there have been others (like Mine field) where I just give up. In the end, I always learn something new about myself.

The actual writing process of stories can be beneficial as well. I find that when I'm in a group of friends my stories are entertaining and filled with laughter, whereas when I'm on my own, they tend to be more serious.

I find I can only read an author's book for so long before I get tired of the writing style (unless if it's a really, really good story). Stories have elements of truth. You could try to write the farthest story from yourself, and yet it would still end up in some way, shape or form being like you. Or in this case, me. I'm going to try and experiment with this within the next little while. Maybe that will be my next writing project.

Just some thoughts.

The fun part.

The fun part about having no one reading this blog, because no one knows about it, is kind of fun. It's basically like writing a way more accessible journal. Here are a few notes about today.

1. If anyone does read this, does anyone know if 'the secret' works for getting hair to grow long really fast. I miss my hair! So much it makes me want to cry. I wish I didn't have to cut off my hair..

2. Stephanie Meyer is a great author but I have yet to read a story of hers that I like.
b) I want to write a novel.

3. Fruits and veggies are the way to go. Everything else makes me feel like junk!

4. I need to start learning french again.

I think I need time to goal set yet again sometime soon. Then it's time to move forward!

I think it's time to write another song.

Sacrafice, Christ, Atonement

I've been thinking a lot lately about pain. How much of it is really because of other people and how much is because of us, or more particularly, me? I was talking to my chiropractor about the way a back works. When a vertebrae is out, it pinches a nerve. When that nerve pinches, the back will steer away from it. It tries to avoid the pain which usually ends up bringing more pain, like a curvature in the back.





I think you understand what I'm getting at. I am trying to avoid pain and in turn I'm causing much more pain than necessary. But all I see is the hurt that it's causing me in the beginning. I don't see that I could end up with scoliosis, or worse later on in life. All I see is that one moment.





Now, I suppose you can also see how this would be problematic. This creates a lot of hypocrisy, and a lot of unnecessary pain.





This was the first stage of my thinking. My state of thinking this past week particularly was how to deal with the nerves that I'm pinching. It's come to a lot of heavy decision making. I wrote a song recently and it has these lines in it:





"Sacrafice one moment


Know eternal joy..."





There is a reason why I put that line in there. I believe that it is TRUE! I didn't write it because I hopes that it was true, I really, truly believe that it is true. I'm tired of halting my eternal progression, but it is going to take a lot of sacrafice to get where I want to be. It's going to make for very confused crowd.





The idea of living life for freedom - for the life that we (I) were really made to live - scares me. CHANGE... the scariest word. It means prying away from those things which will ultimately help me to grow. However, I think that there's a crossroads that everyone comes to in their life where they simply have to decide. There's a wonderful scripture which states that we can't have two masters...



I hope that I choose right. I know who I choose in my mind, but in my actions who I am I really choosing? It was interesting... when I was reading "Jesus the Christ" it said something along the lines of, "For the spirit wants it, but the body is weak." I found much truth in that. Christ sacraficed so much for us, now is my chance to prove it to Him. It can only be done through a lot of sacrafice though.

Now begins the new chapter. For it has now reached that now or never stage.

Anger to Passion.

It's kind of interesting how this is a blog called "... then move forward." and the very first entry is going to be a rant. The first entry is almost of pure anger, and yet I'm hoping that it will turn into passion. For the next little while I might be doing things for the wrong reasons, but at least I'm doing them.

a) I'm hurt. Just plain, flat out, everything hurts. I feel as though I have nothing left to give or to offer. Love is simply drained out of me. My trust has gone down severely. I suppose this makes sense, but the more I try for joy, the more pain seems to happen.

b) I think I need more outlets. I had a painting night last night and quite honestly it was one of the most therapeutic things I've done for myself. Although I'm not artistically inclined, every brush stroke seemed to ease more and more pain.

c) I am sick and TIRED of mediocrity. In myself, in others, I'm just tired of it. We get one life... one life... There is so much that we could be doing with this one life! Why aren't we really living it? I know that I could be doing better, I'm sure other people know that they could be doing better. Why do we just give up? What's so satisfactory about that?

d) I'm tired of being controlled... I think this one is self-explanitory.

e) I'm a toy. I can't be taken seriously. <-- That needs to change.

Maybe I should take a martial arts class? I heard that that was great for vent up anger. I want passion! But I don't want to be walked all over. *sigh*

The glory of pain.