Our bare skin, our soul.
Admit it, you flinch. I started writing a song which has this very idea behind it. You'll probably flinch yet again. Or, if you're anything like what I used to be....
Down to the bare, bare bones we were born with?
Down to the bare, unseen skin that we all make ourselves fit?
That we’re embarrassed to show
For the fear of being discovered
Underneath the covered
Gets you thinking, doesn't it? I suppose this calls for some history, for those few of you who may not have met me before.
I use to be conservative. I use to be afraid. I use to cover up, make excuses, and it was normal. It was just the way of life. A lot of it was a mindset that I got from my particular religious background that I had. There was a heavy emphasis on being modest. It was to the extent, that wearing a tanktop was frowned upon. In fact, I remember seeing women in the street wearing tanktops and thinking of them as sluts.
I use to think women who showed skin were selling themselves, that they were degrating themselves. Some, maybe, but I no longer believe that this is the case.
More background: I was suppressed. Everybody could see that there was something wrong, but wouldn't saying anything because why would I tell them? I was overly obese (which is easy to make excuses for when you know no other ways of life), I was smart but not doing well in school, my friendships failed on so many levels...
I was going crazy, quite literally. My skin was the most uncomfortable place to be in and I wanted to be anyone but me. If only I had grown up in a different living situation, if only I had more money, if only I could be a better church goer.. if only, if only, if only.
This is where my perfectionist tendency came from. I'm being completely honest. There was no being good enough!
At the same time, any emotion was completely suppressed. Not only in me, but in many other people. It's normal, and I think it's cruel. Art was suppressed, beauty was suppressed, anger was suppressed, sadness was suppressed, happiness was suppressed, sexuality was suppressed, and all of these things weren't really spoken of..
Except for an idea of happiness. A happiness which wasn't realistic, nor attainable because itw as with the idea that things would be perfect. Not now, but someday they would be. So I would have to keep on kicking myself and kicking myself to become a better person or I wouldn't have a perfect... well... some point. Afterlife, call it what you will. Or maybe I'd get a divorce or some other horrible thing...
What a nightmare! What a horrific way to view life. Perfectionist tendencies are dangerous, but so widely accepted. Stick on a happy face, shut up and do as we say. Any questions? Didn't think so. I don't care who you are.. just do as I say. Become perfect for me. Live your life for other people, be perfect in their eyes and only then can you be perfect to you.. only then can you be allowed to be comfortable with you.
It is a skill to be able to cover up. What a diverse saying! Interesting how there's a cover-up make-up for women? Back when I use to wear make-up, I felt incomplete without make-up. The reason being that I put on masks anyone, and having the physical mask made it easier for me to not be truly honest with people.
That's what it's all about, isn't it? Not being able to be honest with oneself. Not being able to accept one's skin, it's all the same.
So is it really fair to say that women who show their skin, are sluts?
Really think about it. Being able to bear one's skin is scary. Almost in the same way as having someone staring into your eyes, they're both scary. There is no hiding the parts your uncovering. Every pimple, freckle, bruise is exposed through showing your skin. It's a make-up of who you are, without being made up. it's being brutally honest. It's using body language, and I'd never thought of it that way.
It was after realizing this that I was truly able to come to terms with what I had done to myself. All you can do is ask for forgiveness from yourself, for being so brutal, and then be happy. Learning to love the skin you're in is a hard process, and people will fight against it. There is a longing and need for control, and often once you've found your skin, you'll find that it's yours.. and sometimes that is yours alone. When you show your skin, perform a song, confront someone who's mistreating you, etc, you are exposing who you are. There are no sheets to hide under. There are no excuses. There's just you and the beauty of that moment.
I feel like it's a sad thing... Women fought for their right to be equal with men, and yet we're still looked upon horrible for showing skin. How does that make any sense?
Showing skin, and being able to see the beauty of the naked soul is an experience which can never be forgotten. If every person would be able to glimpse at the real beauty of their naked soul, this world would be a very different place. There would be far more laughter, far more art, far more creativity, far more education, far more friendliness.. and far more acceptance. Far more beauty.
Being honest with your mind, body and spirit is key to finding out who you really are. The beauty of the naked spirit can come in many forms. Mine came in images of crystals, bright colours.. and a friend who is a twin soul, and a huge part of my life. I find that since discovering this place, the real intensity I've been able to incorporate the beauty of that true soul into every day life. It's a hard process, but it's worth it.
Honesty is a virtue, one meant to be lived, but very hard to follow through with....
I still get afraid. Afraid to expose my literal (and figurative skin.) However, I recognize that the naked soul is beautiful. It is the closest thing we have to mother earth, and the connection which we should share with her. Being naked is the way we came into the world, and it's our most natural way of being. It's beautiful.
((As a note: I don't believe that it's a good idea to literally go around naked. There are laws against such... I think I've otherwise made my point clear.)
