Just a name, just a name

I've been thinking a lot lately about the switch within my name. The thing is, that it really doesn't feel like a switch. The person who I am has never been my birth name. People may think I'm nuts, they make think I'm crazy.. but thousands of years ago, it was normal. In my mind, it still is normal. Normality, like everything else, is a creation.

What do you see within your name? Maybe after this short explanation, you shall understand.. I actually wrote a song about it too, but I can not post it on here for concern over copyrights. That will have to wait till later. =)

When I hear my birth name, I see the Father I never had. I see failure. I see confusion. I see hurt. I see pain beyond all reason. I see someone who was never good enough. I see beatings and tears. I see broken hearts and loneliness. I see dullness and lack of creativity. I see an old soul instead of an exciting one. I see nothing but pain.. absolutely NOTHING! My birth name has never been me, and will never be me again.

Kotarah, to me, is my name. It always has been my name, and it always will be name. It's freedom. It's love. It's a new beginning. It's excitement, and beauty. It's peaceful like the water. It's pure, and loving. It is the song within my heart. It is who I really am. Who I have become since I have accepted my own name has been phenomenal. Things that I only ever dreamed have happened to me. There's been emotional release, and I feel free. 

Just a name? No, that's not the way it'll ever be. So if you're reading this.. please respect that this is the way I wish things to be. Eventually this will be a legal change too. If you can't respect it, then then forgive me for feeling mild irritation.