If you're confused about my subject heading, you're probably about as confused as I am. You know that discussion I talked about last post? Yeah.. well a woman started personally attacking me in it. She compared me to a man named Korihor. Yes.. it's so bizarre in my mind. Who knows? Maybe you agree with it. I find it bizarre.
Korihor was an Anti-Christ (apparently) who tried to lead people away from Christ. I can think of so many differences between him and I... but, yes, like him, I want proof that there is a God. Not a feeling, real proof. Everyone else looks for a sign too. When you pray to know if a religion is true or not, isn't that what you do as well? That's what I thought. You pray for a sign that you'll know if that religion is true. Is it really so different from me?
It's just interesting. I never thought I would have somebody accusing me of being like a person I thought was evil when I was a kid, and now that I am... I'm slightly speechless and baffled. Kind of find it amusing all at the same time.
Just, wow.. what an accusation! Guess what? I'm an Anti-Christ! Really? No.. I stand for love. End of story.
Excuse me while I go catch my breath...
Monday, April 25, 2011
Provoked a long status.
My friend posted how this ladies opinion was similar to her own:
Ex-Mormon story
What people don't realize about this particular series, is that it's not necessarily mean to attack. In the Mormon religion it tells you to spread what you know to be truth using things such as the internet. I think it's only fair that if you discover that you don't believe that it's true, that you should be allowed to state your opinion as well. If you have the same opinions as these people, you want to help people from deceit. Besides, look at how many mormonads are on the internet.. I believe, personally, that it's only fair... that these people state their opinions as well...
I find it interesting now, having the opposite view than I used to. They talked about how this lady must have found anti-mormon literature, when yet it states that she first looked at Mormon literature. Often what people find to be anti-mormon literature... can even be original, untainted church documents. Did you know that the Book of Mormon has been revised in over 4, 000 different places?
I must admit I am rather scared in posting this. I get scared every time posting a post like this. Do you know how annoying it is to hear that people think that you're possessed by Satan just because your opinion changed? Do you know how annoying it is for other people to see you as a threat, or even dangerous? To hear that I lost potential, apparently, because I left a religion? My intention is not to attack the church even. It's just to give it another perspective.
One of the ladies who was commenting back and forth with me on this told me that I should take a look at the opposite end of things. That I should research what the church's viewpoint is. I found this funny, because I was Mormon for twenty years. Not only that, but I soaked in every piece of Mormon literature that I could. I knew that religion quite well, for someone within my community, or even someone who believes in a religion. I wanted to make sure that I knew what I believed. It was when I discovered that the church was no longer sitting right with me, that I had to leave. I knew that I would lose people, that people would view me differently, but I didn't care. Truth mattered more.Anyway, I've already discussed this aspect lots. Here is the status that this line of thought provoked
What bothers me is that most people are so busy mocking another person's viewpoint, that they forget that the person is just the same as them. The mormonads on youtube, and the exmormon videos on youtube have essentially the same purpose, just done in a different way.
Here are the similarities:
lovely song
PS Sorry if this is disjointed. I blame emotion.
Ex-Mormon story
What people don't realize about this particular series, is that it's not necessarily mean to attack. In the Mormon religion it tells you to spread what you know to be truth using things such as the internet. I think it's only fair that if you discover that you don't believe that it's true, that you should be allowed to state your opinion as well. If you have the same opinions as these people, you want to help people from deceit. Besides, look at how many mormonads are on the internet.. I believe, personally, that it's only fair... that these people state their opinions as well...
I find it interesting now, having the opposite view than I used to. They talked about how this lady must have found anti-mormon literature, when yet it states that she first looked at Mormon literature. Often what people find to be anti-mormon literature... can even be original, untainted church documents. Did you know that the Book of Mormon has been revised in over 4, 000 different places?
I must admit I am rather scared in posting this. I get scared every time posting a post like this. Do you know how annoying it is to hear that people think that you're possessed by Satan just because your opinion changed? Do you know how annoying it is for other people to see you as a threat, or even dangerous? To hear that I lost potential, apparently, because I left a religion? My intention is not to attack the church even. It's just to give it another perspective.
One of the ladies who was commenting back and forth with me on this told me that I should take a look at the opposite end of things. That I should research what the church's viewpoint is. I found this funny, because I was Mormon for twenty years. Not only that, but I soaked in every piece of Mormon literature that I could. I knew that religion quite well, for someone within my community, or even someone who believes in a religion. I wanted to make sure that I knew what I believed. It was when I discovered that the church was no longer sitting right with me, that I had to leave. I knew that I would lose people, that people would view me differently, but I didn't care. Truth mattered more.Anyway, I've already discussed this aspect lots. Here is the status that this line of thought provoked
Kotarah Soleil believes that people are meant to have opinions. This is what so many people have fought for within our country, for people to be able to express their opinions. It saddens me when I see that a person is condemned for expressing that opinion, just because it's different from either one they had previous and changed, or one that's different from another's. Isn't this, in many ways, wrong? After all, aren't intellectual people allowed to disagree? It's beautiful to see, for what other purpose is there to life if not to question everything? Expressing one's viewpoints can help both people. It can help the two parties to question. Isn't there wisdom in questioning? Isn't that the only way to gain wisdom? Even at the end of the day if you are wrong, at least you had the experience. At least you learned something. You will also have created a bond with that person, if you allow it, if you don't block them out and really listen. For underneath it all.. you will see they are the same. They just want their voice to be heard too. They've seen things which show their opinion as well. Knowledge is a justified, true, belief. It's often getting to that point that can be difficult. Once you do, that justified, true, belief can be different from someone else. Look at the way this world works. So many different paths for different people. Yet, they usually end up being beautiful. Isn't that all that really matters? What are you going to remember in the years to come? That you disagreed with someone and left them? Or that you were able to reach an understanding for many.. and learn love... ? That you were able to fill your brain with so much information, that you can't help but smile, because you question everything. Nothing is boring, because there's always something new to learn and someone new to love.
What bothers me is that most people are so busy mocking another person's viewpoint, that they forget that the person is just the same as them. The mormonads on youtube, and the exmormon videos on youtube have essentially the same purpose, just done in a different way.
Here are the similarities:
- They are both testimonies
- They show a person's journey, and tell their story
- They are done by people who believe they have found a truth
- They both speak of life changing experience
Differences:
- exmormon videos speak of loss. When you think about it, it makes sense that it's done the way that it is. When you have to change your ENTIRE core, you're naturally going to go through anger, depression, etc.
- Mormonads are done by an official (very well organized) organization, exmormon's are never exactly the same. Some become atheist, Christian, Agnostic, etc.
- Mormonads are done by an entire organization, whereas exmormon videos are done only by one man I believe?
- exmormon videos are more contraversal. They speak of topics that aren't always light.
What I don't understand, though, is why people find it such a big deal. I would probably be smacked by some people for saying that.. but really? What is the point of the continual fight? Especially for a religion which is supposed to promote living peacefully, to see that the people can't follow through with that? Wouldn't that make you question to? People say that people aren't the religion, but to some extent they are. Every religion is founded by people, so if not by the people then what else is there? People are generally the best indication of the moral value behind an organization. Words can be done by anyone, it's action that takes a certain different kind of person. Tell me you believe in Christ, great. I want to see that you won't judge me, and will allow Christ to judge me instead. I want to see what you know. I want to see you be able to talk to a person without trying to convert them, if they don't want to be converted. I want you to see people as people. I want you to love them for who they are, for that is what you're taught. I figure this is common sense, but as someone said, common sense isn't so common anymore. Yes, if you talk to someone who's left a religion there is a chance that their opinions might get you to question their beliefs. Big deal. We question things all the time anyway. Would you rather bury your head under the sand and remain ignorant? For as I once said, Ignorance is NOT bliss.
Again, I'm not trying to condemn, but I just don't understand. Why can't we allow people to have their own views? Why can't we allow them to EXPRESS them? Otherwise everything our forefathers did, was a waste. A complete waste. They wanted love, unity, equality, and I'm sure for people to be really educated. It's things like this which start wars, which cause conflict. All of us naturally get defensive about the things that we believe, but.. I want to dare you to try something. I want to dare you to try and lower your defense, to try to learn something. Talk to someone you disagree with, and even if you end up still believing your right after really listening to their opinion... they're going to notice the difference. They're going to notice that they were heard, that they are a person, and that there is a potential that you might care about something other than your own ego.
By the way, here's an awesome song.
lovely song
PS Sorry if this is disjointed. I blame emotion.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Number 1
I've had a fantastic day. Got together with one of my best friends ever, and discussed things which were important, which got me to thinking about all the many awesome things in life. I indeed am very lucky. Currently I feel lucky for:
My knowledge on raw food and herbs. So many people focus in on health. I believe I've found something so beautiful and wonderful, that feels great under almost any circumstance and tastes GREAT! I feel happy. How could I not be? I am happy. Knowing how to make it naturally just eases a lot of things in life, and it's going to be even better when I can go raw.
Thomas Jefferson Education. To be truly educated in a safe environment where you're taught how to truly live. To breath real education, to live it so that you can be a complete person.
Now to get around to the real reason for this post. I want to talk about one of the most inspirational people I've ever met. His name, is Miles. This man is one of the people that you will never EVER forget! He's got a very energetic personality, and is truly an inspiration. This man researches, and then when he finds a truth, he shares it with the WHOLE world! He's not afraid to share something which he believes in. This man is so full of knowledge, so playful, so youthful... just wow. Creative genius, this man's going places.
This person inspires me to be the best I can be. To see through trials, and live life fully. He is one of the best people I've ever met.
...and I miss him. I guess he'll just be that inspiration forever. A role model, a friend, and just a down to earth person.
My knowledge on raw food and herbs. So many people focus in on health. I believe I've found something so beautiful and wonderful, that feels great under almost any circumstance and tastes GREAT! I feel happy. How could I not be? I am happy. Knowing how to make it naturally just eases a lot of things in life, and it's going to be even better when I can go raw.
Thomas Jefferson Education. To be truly educated in a safe environment where you're taught how to truly live. To breath real education, to live it so that you can be a complete person.
Now to get around to the real reason for this post. I want to talk about one of the most inspirational people I've ever met. His name, is Miles. This man is one of the people that you will never EVER forget! He's got a very energetic personality, and is truly an inspiration. This man researches, and then when he finds a truth, he shares it with the WHOLE world! He's not afraid to share something which he believes in. This man is so full of knowledge, so playful, so youthful... just wow. Creative genius, this man's going places.
This person inspires me to be the best I can be. To see through trials, and live life fully. He is one of the best people I've ever met.
...and I miss him. I guess he'll just be that inspiration forever. A role model, a friend, and just a down to earth person.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Gutter Trap
My wavering optimism I believe is starting to lean toward hopelessness.. or the feeling thereof. Does anybody really intend for that sort of thing to happen? No. Does it happen though? It most certainly does, and it is happening to me now.
It could be the fact that our house is a rest, that I feel as though I've barely spent any quality time with R and yet I LIVE with him, it could be the fact that I haven't felt motivation to study, and yet I need to do so in order to keep my grades up..
Bah.
It could also be the fact that I am in a relationship. The best relationship I've ever been in, and I'm not happy. Not unhappy because of him. To be honest, he's the only thing keeping me sane, but I'm still obviously not happy, and haven't been for a long time. It bothers me because it reminds me of my ex who told me that I was a hard girl to please. I'm not hard to please when I'm being myself... and also, when I'm not in an emotional abusive relationship...
Maybe some of the frustrating part is, the fact that my partner seems to have an amazing connection with the universe. Things seem to work out for him. He really is the best teacher and mentor. I'm jealous of people, I say 'can't' before I even try. I succumb to opinions which aren't actually me... and he doesn't. He just rolls through this life in the most pleasant way possible. I have the tools for this too, so why isn't it happening!?!?!?!
It's hard to motivate me to do anything right now. I feel like a puppy in a lot of ways. I can't do something unless if someone is there to push me along. THIS HAS TO STOP, and I know it.. This is decently dangerous. I have no motivation unless if someone's doing it with me. I'm not a puppy, I'm not a child.
Speaking of child.. I notice I have a child-like tendency. I expect things to be around me, and if they change or go away, I freak out. It's supposed to be there.. it's always just supposed to be there.. it's not supposed to leave. I feel like I have unnatural reactions to things leaving, to things ending. I can visit someone for three days, or only know them for three days, have them go away and I'm bawling like a baby. When things don't go according to plan, or things change, I freak out. I also prefer to stick to my own schedule. When I arrange to hang out with someone, I almost always cancel. The terrible thing about this is that every time I go out, and do these things with the people.. I enjoy myself, I find purpose within life.
Hum bug.
I'm so motivationless. That's not even a word. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling frustrated, hurt and like I've failed. I essentially almost feel like a waste of space.
The answer is simple right? I just change my attitudes and behaviours so that my life is more enjoyable... I hate using excuses, but I really do have an abnormal fear of change. I will cling to the thing that's there like my life depends on it, even though I know that it's a slow form of suicide. I just WON'T let go of things. It's SO hard for me to get over anything. Especially when it comes to people. Or bad habits I have.
R seems to have this messed up perception of me. He thinks that I'm a person who has a huge drive, and in some ways I do.. but then I always give up. I always give up usually right before the time when it's actually going to make a difference. It's like an addiction, every single time. there's a particular high that I get from it. At the end of the day I'm the one who's right. I couldn't do it just like I thought I couldn't.. but at the same time..
I'M SO JEALOUS OF PEOPLE WHO ACCOMPLISH THINGS! When I could just as easily be the person who accomplishes things.
Why am I ranting right now? I have a test. I have a test at 8:30 in the morning. It's with my favourite instructor. I feel like in a lot of ways I failed him, because I didn't do as well as I could've this semester. It's for reasons like right now. I'm not going to get the right amount of sleep that I need to do as well on the test as I would like. Go to sleep? Ha... ha... I wish. My head just keeps running.. and running.. and running.
Computers almost destroyed. Camera's destroyed. House looks messy. = My head's a mess!
As human beings I think we're never satisfied. If you qualify this as an excuse, maybe this is. I'm seemingly never satisfied. There. I said it. I'm not satisfied, alright? I was raised in an environment where I was told to settle for mediocre, but my soul doesn't want it. I want something high. I want to have lived for a purpose...
...and this is my gutter trap...
Perhaps I needed to admit something was wrong.
*le sigh*
It could be the fact that our house is a rest, that I feel as though I've barely spent any quality time with R and yet I LIVE with him, it could be the fact that I haven't felt motivation to study, and yet I need to do so in order to keep my grades up..
Bah.
It could also be the fact that I am in a relationship. The best relationship I've ever been in, and I'm not happy. Not unhappy because of him. To be honest, he's the only thing keeping me sane, but I'm still obviously not happy, and haven't been for a long time. It bothers me because it reminds me of my ex who told me that I was a hard girl to please. I'm not hard to please when I'm being myself... and also, when I'm not in an emotional abusive relationship...
Maybe some of the frustrating part is, the fact that my partner seems to have an amazing connection with the universe. Things seem to work out for him. He really is the best teacher and mentor. I'm jealous of people, I say 'can't' before I even try. I succumb to opinions which aren't actually me... and he doesn't. He just rolls through this life in the most pleasant way possible. I have the tools for this too, so why isn't it happening!?!?!?!
It's hard to motivate me to do anything right now. I feel like a puppy in a lot of ways. I can't do something unless if someone is there to push me along. THIS HAS TO STOP, and I know it.. This is decently dangerous. I have no motivation unless if someone's doing it with me. I'm not a puppy, I'm not a child.
Speaking of child.. I notice I have a child-like tendency. I expect things to be around me, and if they change or go away, I freak out. It's supposed to be there.. it's always just supposed to be there.. it's not supposed to leave. I feel like I have unnatural reactions to things leaving, to things ending. I can visit someone for three days, or only know them for three days, have them go away and I'm bawling like a baby. When things don't go according to plan, or things change, I freak out. I also prefer to stick to my own schedule. When I arrange to hang out with someone, I almost always cancel. The terrible thing about this is that every time I go out, and do these things with the people.. I enjoy myself, I find purpose within life.
Hum bug.
I'm so motivationless. That's not even a word. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling frustrated, hurt and like I've failed. I essentially almost feel like a waste of space.
The answer is simple right? I just change my attitudes and behaviours so that my life is more enjoyable... I hate using excuses, but I really do have an abnormal fear of change. I will cling to the thing that's there like my life depends on it, even though I know that it's a slow form of suicide. I just WON'T let go of things. It's SO hard for me to get over anything. Especially when it comes to people. Or bad habits I have.
R seems to have this messed up perception of me. He thinks that I'm a person who has a huge drive, and in some ways I do.. but then I always give up. I always give up usually right before the time when it's actually going to make a difference. It's like an addiction, every single time. there's a particular high that I get from it. At the end of the day I'm the one who's right. I couldn't do it just like I thought I couldn't.. but at the same time..
I'M SO JEALOUS OF PEOPLE WHO ACCOMPLISH THINGS! When I could just as easily be the person who accomplishes things.
Why am I ranting right now? I have a test. I have a test at 8:30 in the morning. It's with my favourite instructor. I feel like in a lot of ways I failed him, because I didn't do as well as I could've this semester. It's for reasons like right now. I'm not going to get the right amount of sleep that I need to do as well on the test as I would like. Go to sleep? Ha... ha... I wish. My head just keeps running.. and running.. and running.
Computers almost destroyed. Camera's destroyed. House looks messy. = My head's a mess!
As human beings I think we're never satisfied. If you qualify this as an excuse, maybe this is. I'm seemingly never satisfied. There. I said it. I'm not satisfied, alright? I was raised in an environment where I was told to settle for mediocre, but my soul doesn't want it. I want something high. I want to have lived for a purpose...
...and this is my gutter trap...
Perhaps I needed to admit something was wrong.
*le sigh*
Revival
Only one person knows this, but I have felt very dead the past little while. I've been swallowed up in negativity. Getting down because I can't seem to figure myself out. I've got some plans to get out of this.
- EXERCISE! DANCE!!!!
- I want to make it a goal to do one creative thing per day
- SINGING! Such a high... really
- telling my lover that I love him every day. Doing something special for him would be awesome.
- reach my dreams, and achieve them.
Today really has been quite inspirational for me.
So.. ready.. SET... GO!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The New Divide
I believe that there has been something dividing us, and I believe that people don't want to admit that this has gone on. It's caused wars, divisions within families, judgments on people we first meet.. and yet it consumes us. In a lot of ways, it causes us to forget life here. In my opinion, it infects.
Oliver DeMille says to admit that there's something higher than ourselves (Thomas Jefferson Education), and I do believe in a lot of ways that's important. Having a sense of spirituality tends to hold a kind of balance in life. However...
It's gotten to an extreme point. You could case argue for religion, you could definitely argue against religion. Why do people want to get up in each other's faces over something *eeeh* kind of minimal? Maybe God's important, maybe he's not, but should it really interfere with the way that you interact with people?
The fact is that no. It doesn't. I've heard some people say that the world would be a better place if the world was (undisclosed) religion. Then certain things wouldn't happen, because there would be nothing but good people.. right?
TERRIBLE ARGUMENT!
There are good and bad people within every religion. In fact, there's good and bad within every religion. It bothers me when people try to ignore the things which just aren't good there. You're trying to convince me something is true, and yet your'e not willing to admit that the people within your religion made mistakes as well?
Umm.. how about not? As humans, we're naturally imperfect. We naturally have instincts within us that are.. kind of dangerous. We also have good within us, but that's besides the point.
This is a New Divide, and I believe in some ways it's getting worse. Lots of people are deciding for religion, and even more against. You have your choice. Wither you're for religion or not.. it doesn't really matter. The point of this entry is to point out the ridiculousness of doing things like
a) Disowning your family over religion: family is supposed to be there for you no matter what. Wither you leave, or wither you convert into a new religion, I believe that family should be there every step of the way.
b) Ending friendship over religion: basically same reasoning as the last one. I know you feel you have some kind of right, but are you sheltering yourself and proving that you really love the person? No, you're not. You're showing that in some way or another, you can't be the accept the change they're trying to make.
c) If someone leaves (or joins) don't bug them: Don't consistently tell them that they made the wrong choice, don't do things out of boosting your own ego... As far as I'm aware they're still the same person, the same friend that you had all along. Chances are they know what decision is best for them. They may come back, they may leave their specified religion, but what should that have to do with associating with them? The more you push, guaranteed, they will pull. They don't want it rubbed in their faces every single time that they could be so much happier one way or another, they don't want want to be bugged about activities that are happening or aren't... they just want to live and be allowed to do what they want, just like everyone else.
d) Try understanding the emotional transition they're going to go through: Often religion is a part of our central core, a huge piece of life, so shifting it in one direction or another can be very emotionally straining. It's easy to say 'just move on' but the fact of the matter is, that if they don't deal with those feelings, there will be a lot of emotional harm done. It's better that they deal immediately and become happy with whatever they decision they make (and if they choose to go back to their old way, that's okay too) than them never get over it, constantly having feelings of regret, anger or hurt because they didn't fully transition in their core.
There are many other things to consider, but I believe these to be the important things. Call me bias, but I recognized this problem even when I was religious. We now fail to see people as people, and all we can see is the label, when really the label is such a small part of who we are. All of us have hidden talents, and amazing things to offer this world. I really think that we should stop having silly things like this get in the way of having a full life experience. Let's live life for life... for that is the only thing worth living for. And, let's do it together. Let's stop fighting each other, start humbling ourselves, and start the generation of peace.
One can be hopeful, right?
Oliver DeMille says to admit that there's something higher than ourselves (Thomas Jefferson Education), and I do believe in a lot of ways that's important. Having a sense of spirituality tends to hold a kind of balance in life. However...
It's gotten to an extreme point. You could case argue for religion, you could definitely argue against religion. Why do people want to get up in each other's faces over something *eeeh* kind of minimal? Maybe God's important, maybe he's not, but should it really interfere with the way that you interact with people?
The fact is that no. It doesn't. I've heard some people say that the world would be a better place if the world was (undisclosed) religion. Then certain things wouldn't happen, because there would be nothing but good people.. right?
TERRIBLE ARGUMENT!
There are good and bad people within every religion. In fact, there's good and bad within every religion. It bothers me when people try to ignore the things which just aren't good there. You're trying to convince me something is true, and yet your'e not willing to admit that the people within your religion made mistakes as well?
Umm.. how about not? As humans, we're naturally imperfect. We naturally have instincts within us that are.. kind of dangerous. We also have good within us, but that's besides the point.
This is a New Divide, and I believe in some ways it's getting worse. Lots of people are deciding for religion, and even more against. You have your choice. Wither you're for religion or not.. it doesn't really matter. The point of this entry is to point out the ridiculousness of doing things like
a) Disowning your family over religion: family is supposed to be there for you no matter what. Wither you leave, or wither you convert into a new religion, I believe that family should be there every step of the way.
b) Ending friendship over religion: basically same reasoning as the last one. I know you feel you have some kind of right, but are you sheltering yourself and proving that you really love the person? No, you're not. You're showing that in some way or another, you can't be the accept the change they're trying to make.
c) If someone leaves (or joins) don't bug them: Don't consistently tell them that they made the wrong choice, don't do things out of boosting your own ego... As far as I'm aware they're still the same person, the same friend that you had all along. Chances are they know what decision is best for them. They may come back, they may leave their specified religion, but what should that have to do with associating with them? The more you push, guaranteed, they will pull. They don't want it rubbed in their faces every single time that they could be so much happier one way or another, they don't want want to be bugged about activities that are happening or aren't... they just want to live and be allowed to do what they want, just like everyone else.
d) Try understanding the emotional transition they're going to go through: Often religion is a part of our central core, a huge piece of life, so shifting it in one direction or another can be very emotionally straining. It's easy to say 'just move on' but the fact of the matter is, that if they don't deal with those feelings, there will be a lot of emotional harm done. It's better that they deal immediately and become happy with whatever they decision they make (and if they choose to go back to their old way, that's okay too) than them never get over it, constantly having feelings of regret, anger or hurt because they didn't fully transition in their core.
There are many other things to consider, but I believe these to be the important things. Call me bias, but I recognized this problem even when I was religious. We now fail to see people as people, and all we can see is the label, when really the label is such a small part of who we are. All of us have hidden talents, and amazing things to offer this world. I really think that we should stop having silly things like this get in the way of having a full life experience. Let's live life for life... for that is the only thing worth living for. And, let's do it together. Let's stop fighting each other, start humbling ourselves, and start the generation of peace.
One can be hopeful, right?
Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.
Now I'm hitting one of the major issues with me having left my old religion. In a lot of ways, I did believe what I actually did back then, but in a way, it was to go along with the majority. It's easy to agree with the majority of people, when the majority of the people are part of that particular religion. I HATE disagreeing with people. Often because I can see exactly where they're coming from, so I feel it's not my place..
However, sometimes this is a dangerous trait. There have been plenty of psychology experiments done revolving around this idea. What we would do if an authority told us to do something? Generally we follow it. Especially if it's for something like a job, even if we completely disagree with it. Adolf Eichmann was this way. He aided in the killing of lots of jews. Adolph Hitler would give him his idea, and he would carry it out. There was a radio show host who interviewed him. I'm not sure what he was expecting, but he wasn't expecting what he got. He got an amazingly kind, grandpa type figure. When he asked why he did what he did, he said simply "It was a job I had."
Yes, I would consider this to be a jaw-dropping situation. People go 'how could he do that?' but yet psychology experiments have proved that every one of us can have this happen to us. Although my situation isn't so extreme as this, I believe it to be kind of horrible. I can't seem to separate myself from my religious mindset, which is what I want more than anything.
*sigh* I'll probably be posting more today.
this amazing song
However, sometimes this is a dangerous trait. There have been plenty of psychology experiments done revolving around this idea. What we would do if an authority told us to do something? Generally we follow it. Especially if it's for something like a job, even if we completely disagree with it. Adolf Eichmann was this way. He aided in the killing of lots of jews. Adolph Hitler would give him his idea, and he would carry it out. There was a radio show host who interviewed him. I'm not sure what he was expecting, but he wasn't expecting what he got. He got an amazingly kind, grandpa type figure. When he asked why he did what he did, he said simply "It was a job I had."
Yes, I would consider this to be a jaw-dropping situation. People go 'how could he do that?' but yet psychology experiments have proved that every one of us can have this happen to us. Although my situation isn't so extreme as this, I believe it to be kind of horrible. I can't seem to separate myself from my religious mindset, which is what I want more than anything.
*sigh* I'll probably be posting more today.
this amazing song
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
In the same environment
I realize my thoughts are along the same line lately. Today has probably been one of the most emotive days I've had. Really. At least within the past little while. The explosion of emotion has been amazing. I came to one conclusion.
I need to learn how to change within the same environment. I don't need to leave my friends, leave this city, or leave at all, except to leave behind my habits. Leaving everything else will only cause pain.
So somehow, now the plan is to do the things I need to do within the same environment.
To be continued. Time for sleep.
I need to learn how to change within the same environment. I don't need to leave my friends, leave this city, or leave at all, except to leave behind my habits. Leaving everything else will only cause pain.
So somehow, now the plan is to do the things I need to do within the same environment.
To be continued. Time for sleep.
Le sigh.
It's the way he moves which causes me to shake. It's his presence which causes my heart to pound, faster and faster for I have found my reason.. my reason to continue being here. I can't leave his side, for in a lot of ways, he saved me. Brought my soul back to life. Helped me to recover from every horrible thing that's happened in my life. It's not every day that the love grows stronger.. it's every second. Every moment. The last thing I want is to hurt him, but I fear that - that is what I do. I become frightened, but seeing your face the way it was.. it hurts me. I can't bare to think about how you looked, when you became so scared, like a boy. As I draw myself away from you, and all you want is to give me the kind of love I've always wanted. I wish I could free myself. I wish I could wake into a new dawn where I could have this figured out. I wish I didn't feel trapped, or so selfish, for I feel selfishly in love with you. Every touch, every action, and I can't help but shift you away from me. You've imprinted on my heart, on my soul, so why can't I just let these things go? Every touch, every action shows you love me.
When I was a young girl dreaming of that man who would take me away into some new land, some place so far away, I couldn't even have imagined that it would've been as good as it is with you. I wish I could see what you see in me, for in you I see the world. I see a sunshine, a light that I can't compare to. You laugh when I saw I'm unworthy and yet every part of me feels it. Every part aches for wanting something better for you. Someone who can truly appreciate who you are.. but yet, I want to be the only one you'll ever be with. It's an understatement when I say I'm the luckiest girl alive, for I have you. So when I was that young girl, I dreamt, and you were the first thing to tell me that dreams can come into reality.
Now that I am a woman, I find myself sad. Not because I don't love you, but because I wish I could appreciate every inch of you the way that I should. I have never known such kindness, such love, and yet my natural response is simply to push away. I feel lost, and I feel alone.. and I have you by my side whenever I need it. You could complete me, but I need to become whole first.
You complete me. You're the only one I want to be with. The world seems to explode into colour when I"m with you. It's easy to forget, to run away. However, if I ran away now.. I know that I would regret it. I know that I would regret not taking a chance on the greatest love I could've known. This is what you've been trying to tell me, but I have not listened. You still say it through every touch, through every kiss. You try to make me see.. that we're all we'll ever need. On the darkest shade of gray, you bring in the oranges, reds and yellows. You light up my life in a way which I never thought possible.
R, my lover, I'll walk with you forever.
When I was a young girl dreaming of that man who would take me away into some new land, some place so far away, I couldn't even have imagined that it would've been as good as it is with you. I wish I could see what you see in me, for in you I see the world. I see a sunshine, a light that I can't compare to. You laugh when I saw I'm unworthy and yet every part of me feels it. Every part aches for wanting something better for you. Someone who can truly appreciate who you are.. but yet, I want to be the only one you'll ever be with. It's an understatement when I say I'm the luckiest girl alive, for I have you. So when I was that young girl, I dreamt, and you were the first thing to tell me that dreams can come into reality.
Now that I am a woman, I find myself sad. Not because I don't love you, but because I wish I could appreciate every inch of you the way that I should. I have never known such kindness, such love, and yet my natural response is simply to push away. I feel lost, and I feel alone.. and I have you by my side whenever I need it. You could complete me, but I need to become whole first.
You complete me. You're the only one I want to be with. The world seems to explode into colour when I"m with you. It's easy to forget, to run away. However, if I ran away now.. I know that I would regret it. I know that I would regret not taking a chance on the greatest love I could've known. This is what you've been trying to tell me, but I have not listened. You still say it through every touch, through every kiss. You try to make me see.. that we're all we'll ever need. On the darkest shade of gray, you bring in the oranges, reds and yellows. You light up my life in a way which I never thought possible.
R, my lover, I'll walk with you forever.
Goodbye Katimavik.
6 months, 11 participants, 1 project leader, new volunteer projects all across the country.
What does this equal?
The chance of a lifetime. Or at least, it does if you allow the opportunity to take place within your soul. I found that there were so many other groups which seemed to grasp the idea of Katimavik way better than my group did. By the time we got to Quebec, all people were doing were talking about going home. When they got home, they were all talking about how they wished they were at Katimavik.
Regardless of their attitude about Katimavik, there were definitely friendships formed within this. I think in a lot of ways Katimavik is like a very long camp. You expect that you're going to be friends with everyone for years on end, when the fact of the matter is, that within the kind of group.. the likelihood of all the people even liking each other is slim.
It's been a year and an half since the program even started. I can see that things are already starting to change within us. People want to stay in touch, people have changed (including myself) and so in a lot of ways, I'm choosing to let go of Katimavik. It was the most life-changing experience of my life, but now it's time to move on. It's time to make new friends in places which are closer to me. It's time to create my life around something which I can do now, as opposed to what I did then.
In a lot of ways it makes me sad.. but I recognize that it's necessary.
What does this equal?
The chance of a lifetime. Or at least, it does if you allow the opportunity to take place within your soul. I found that there were so many other groups which seemed to grasp the idea of Katimavik way better than my group did. By the time we got to Quebec, all people were doing were talking about going home. When they got home, they were all talking about how they wished they were at Katimavik.
Regardless of their attitude about Katimavik, there were definitely friendships formed within this. I think in a lot of ways Katimavik is like a very long camp. You expect that you're going to be friends with everyone for years on end, when the fact of the matter is, that within the kind of group.. the likelihood of all the people even liking each other is slim.
It's been a year and an half since the program even started. I can see that things are already starting to change within us. People want to stay in touch, people have changed (including myself) and so in a lot of ways, I'm choosing to let go of Katimavik. It was the most life-changing experience of my life, but now it's time to move on. It's time to make new friends in places which are closer to me. It's time to create my life around something which I can do now, as opposed to what I did then.
In a lot of ways it makes me sad.. but I recognize that it's necessary.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Ch-ch-change.
I'm having kind of a hard time adjusting to the changes that I want to make. I'm thinking that instead of being active on this blog, I should either start blogging more on my sparkpeople page, or that I should start a new blog altogether. I mean, technically I don't even know if I'm the only one reading what I'm writing even?
This week is kind of sad. I finish my classes, and I'm finding that this semester I have a lot of regret. I didn't do nearly as well as I should've, nor as well as I know I could've done. My teachers were incredible and I feel like in a lot of ways I just took advantage of who they are. They really wanted me to succeed and I feel like I just took advantage of everything they had to offer me. I didn't go to class today, and it was the last opportunity to enjoy my favourite teacher in one of the classes. Next semester I'm not going to have him, and he really did inspire me to do better. I do feel like I failed, just because I didn't do as well as I could've this semester.
That being said, next semester is going to be a lot better. I didn't fail this semester, and I don't believe I've completely failed any of my courses. You know what that means?
I'll have another chance.
My other goals are in line so that I'll have many different chances at many different things. The scary part is that sometimes there's not opportunity for second chances. It's hard to change, but I do not want my life to be like this past semester. I do not want to look back on it and think that I could've done better. There's always things that could be better, but knowing that I could've changed my own outcome... that's the worst feeling in the world.
I have a long way to go. I think most importantly right now is the fact that I have a boyfriend who loves me every step of the way. He's supportive and loving, and so wonderful. I know that I talk about him a lot, but in a lot of ways he amazes me in each and every way. Especially when I'm going through rough transitional points like this. I am the luckiest girl.
This week is kind of sad. I finish my classes, and I'm finding that this semester I have a lot of regret. I didn't do nearly as well as I should've, nor as well as I know I could've done. My teachers were incredible and I feel like in a lot of ways I just took advantage of who they are. They really wanted me to succeed and I feel like I just took advantage of everything they had to offer me. I didn't go to class today, and it was the last opportunity to enjoy my favourite teacher in one of the classes. Next semester I'm not going to have him, and he really did inspire me to do better. I do feel like I failed, just because I didn't do as well as I could've this semester.
That being said, next semester is going to be a lot better. I didn't fail this semester, and I don't believe I've completely failed any of my courses. You know what that means?
I'll have another chance.
My other goals are in line so that I'll have many different chances at many different things. The scary part is that sometimes there's not opportunity for second chances. It's hard to change, but I do not want my life to be like this past semester. I do not want to look back on it and think that I could've done better. There's always things that could be better, but knowing that I could've changed my own outcome... that's the worst feeling in the world.
I have a long way to go. I think most importantly right now is the fact that I have a boyfriend who loves me every step of the way. He's supportive and loving, and so wonderful. I know that I talk about him a lot, but in a lot of ways he amazes me in each and every way. Especially when I'm going through rough transitional points like this. I am the luckiest girl.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The best lover.
It's been interesting, growing up in an environment which has been so toxic. Where every day you feel as though there's no hope for something more..
Things have changed. I think I have one of the most optimistic boyfriends who ever came into being. He amazes me each and every day. He and I were long distance for a little bit. He came to visit me and then decided to stay here. Not too long after that he got a job, and things have just been working in amazing ways since then.
He supports me, says I can do things, and believes that I can do it more than I do. One of the quirks about my personality tends to be that I try to find the loopholes out of situations. I've become stressed, and it's easy to give up right now.
You wanna know why R is the best lover? He simply does not have room for disappointment or failure. This is why he succeeds at things, he knows he can do things. He's like the energizer bunny. He just keeps going and going, but it seems effortless. It's because he has no room for these things that he succeeds. He sees the light in every closed door, there's options and opportunities where you never thought possible. You see that though? He leaves no room for disappointment, meaning that his options aren't limited.
I would honestly say that he's my hero. I look up to his wonderful example. He seems to have this sense of peace with the universe that I want as well.
I am the luckiest girl alive.
Things have changed. I think I have one of the most optimistic boyfriends who ever came into being. He amazes me each and every day. He and I were long distance for a little bit. He came to visit me and then decided to stay here. Not too long after that he got a job, and things have just been working in amazing ways since then.
He supports me, says I can do things, and believes that I can do it more than I do. One of the quirks about my personality tends to be that I try to find the loopholes out of situations. I've become stressed, and it's easy to give up right now.
You wanna know why R is the best lover? He simply does not have room for disappointment or failure. This is why he succeeds at things, he knows he can do things. He's like the energizer bunny. He just keeps going and going, but it seems effortless. It's because he has no room for these things that he succeeds. He sees the light in every closed door, there's options and opportunities where you never thought possible. You see that though? He leaves no room for disappointment, meaning that his options aren't limited.
I would honestly say that he's my hero. I look up to his wonderful example. He seems to have this sense of peace with the universe that I want as well.
I am the luckiest girl alive.
Nothing but feeling.
So.. it's been one of those days. One of those days, which has been very emotional. I guess there's always times when we don't know what we want. Religion seems to be the ever-lasting factor in my life, and such seems to be the case now.
In Ethics class, our teacher seemed to go on a total bible bashing speel. Toward the end of it, I honestly got kind of angry. All of his points were perfectly legitimate - however it was extensive. I think it just brings up the fact that although I no longer believe in Christianity, I no longer have any solid thing which I agree with. No religion has replaced. Nor do I plan on changing that, but there has to be something more.. and if there isn't, then I want to know! I suppose all I can do is keep living, but this saddens me..
No, this is not an invitation to try and re-convert me. When I say it saddens me, it also means I'm done dabbling in things which I do not believe to be true, and if I don't believe it, I will blatently tell you so. In a lot of ways I just wish things were more straight forward, less complicated.
I suppose this just shows me how very alone I tend to be. The opinions and thoughts that I have which are powerful, and set, which I know to be truth... are not only not accepted, but condemned in many ways. Not in the same way that seemed to happen when I was Mormon, for there is most certainly a difference in knowledge and a belief in something. Especially when I've lived these particular truths and seen the results from them. I don't feel guilt-ridden like I used to. I feel freedom, I feel love, but I also feel alone.
A huge part of me is still very bitter and I know it. With going from a well-respected human-being to all of a sudden being 'Satan possessed' and no longer worthy of friendship because I'm a threat. Yeah.. not really a way of sugar-coating that. Essentially it was back to square one with making friends. Also, regardless of what it seems, I can't stand talking to people I don't know. I never know what to say, because I definitely just play off of people.
Why don't I fit anywhere? Why are my ideas so different? Well according to a speech that was given this week, it's because I grew up in a broken home. That idea makes me more mad than anything. There are so many people who grow up in broken homes who become someone truly amazing. I know this is going to happen to me, but right now it feels so unattainable...
Today was scary. It's been a huge fight with myself, with religion, and unfortunately with the person whom I love the most. More than anything, I don't want to be alone. I want to stop feeling alone, but I also will get the things accomplished that I need to whether I have anyone there or not. In some ways it'd be easier to accomplish what I need to with people who know nothing about me. That plan always backfires though. If you go into a new situation thinking that you'll change all your habits, you're wrong, because it does take time to change over things.
I love R. I love him more than anything, and he's honestly been a miracle to me. Today seeing how he reacted to what I was saying, and how I felt as I saw him react, I realized that I never want to let him go. I want him by my side forever. I want to make sure to let him know that as often as possible, because he sure lets me know as often as possible.
There's going to be a bit of a flip around in this blog. The changes that I've been talking about have been occurring, and I want to use this blog to celebrate those changes, namely those in regard to my health. Regardless of having lots of negative emotion now, I'm going to heal, and heal oh so well. This is just one stumbling block in a bright future.
In Ethics class, our teacher seemed to go on a total bible bashing speel. Toward the end of it, I honestly got kind of angry. All of his points were perfectly legitimate - however it was extensive. I think it just brings up the fact that although I no longer believe in Christianity, I no longer have any solid thing which I agree with. No religion has replaced. Nor do I plan on changing that, but there has to be something more.. and if there isn't, then I want to know! I suppose all I can do is keep living, but this saddens me..
No, this is not an invitation to try and re-convert me. When I say it saddens me, it also means I'm done dabbling in things which I do not believe to be true, and if I don't believe it, I will blatently tell you so. In a lot of ways I just wish things were more straight forward, less complicated.
I suppose this just shows me how very alone I tend to be. The opinions and thoughts that I have which are powerful, and set, which I know to be truth... are not only not accepted, but condemned in many ways. Not in the same way that seemed to happen when I was Mormon, for there is most certainly a difference in knowledge and a belief in something. Especially when I've lived these particular truths and seen the results from them. I don't feel guilt-ridden like I used to. I feel freedom, I feel love, but I also feel alone.
A huge part of me is still very bitter and I know it. With going from a well-respected human-being to all of a sudden being 'Satan possessed' and no longer worthy of friendship because I'm a threat. Yeah.. not really a way of sugar-coating that. Essentially it was back to square one with making friends. Also, regardless of what it seems, I can't stand talking to people I don't know. I never know what to say, because I definitely just play off of people.
Why don't I fit anywhere? Why are my ideas so different? Well according to a speech that was given this week, it's because I grew up in a broken home. That idea makes me more mad than anything. There are so many people who grow up in broken homes who become someone truly amazing. I know this is going to happen to me, but right now it feels so unattainable...
Today was scary. It's been a huge fight with myself, with religion, and unfortunately with the person whom I love the most. More than anything, I don't want to be alone. I want to stop feeling alone, but I also will get the things accomplished that I need to whether I have anyone there or not. In some ways it'd be easier to accomplish what I need to with people who know nothing about me. That plan always backfires though. If you go into a new situation thinking that you'll change all your habits, you're wrong, because it does take time to change over things.
I love R. I love him more than anything, and he's honestly been a miracle to me. Today seeing how he reacted to what I was saying, and how I felt as I saw him react, I realized that I never want to let him go. I want him by my side forever. I want to make sure to let him know that as often as possible, because he sure lets me know as often as possible.
There's going to be a bit of a flip around in this blog. The changes that I've been talking about have been occurring, and I want to use this blog to celebrate those changes, namely those in regard to my health. Regardless of having lots of negative emotion now, I'm going to heal, and heal oh so well. This is just one stumbling block in a bright future.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Oath to Love: Love as an action word
There are destroyers in this world. There is him who has been picking on the wrong people, causing me to grit my teeth. I feel like crying, like punching or kicking, like screaming at you. There are destroyers.
There are mockers. People who find amusement in nit-picking people and degrading them needlessly. People who seem to find no bigger joy in life than pointing and laughing at someone who is seemingly less wonderful than themselves. There are mockers.
There are manipulators. All of us have a little bit of manipulation within us, but I'm talking about the ones who seek to manipulate for the wrong reasons. The ones who can disgust you with the kind of thoughts that they have, and the kind of acts that they do. There are manipulators.
There are all sorts of awful people out there. In some ways I believe that all of us have evil within us. However, like Carl Rogers, I believe that all people are naturally intrinsically good. No person is truly evil through and through. With that being said,
There are humble people. These are generally the helpful people within our society, role models, people who often put us in awe. These are people who take life as it comes, and are comfortable with it. There are humble people.
There are optimists: Some of these people can drive us wild. They never seem to have a problem, and can almost always see the bright side of every situation. They want to brighten other people's lives. It doesn't necessarily mean that their lives are easy, but that they try to make the most of what they are given. There are optimists.
There are inspirational people. Simply put. There are people who know that they have a life's mission. They may not know what that mission is, but they know they need to accomplish it. Inspiration... Creators... Leaders... There are not just good, but amazing people.
I have come to the realization that the only real things that really keeps us from being extrinsically good is: fear. Fear of not succeeding, fear of the unknown sometimes can cause people to not make the best choices.
I've also realized that I want to be the person who stands up for a friend when they're being mocked. I want to be the person who says that they're going to do something, and not just do it, but excel. I don't want to be the person who gives up. Why? I stand for love. Seems strange that I'm saying that for these instances in life. I believe love to be an action word. Not only love toward others, but love toward myself. I have a place in this world. That place needs to become active. I'm the only one who can cause it to happen though.
Even as I'm writing this I feel fear instill in me. I feel like I'm at the end of one cycle, and moving onto another. I'm more than ready to enter into the stage where I know I will feel so much more peace. Fear quakes in every inch of my body. My heart leaps with excitement. I worry about failure, but I also worry about the regret that I would have if I didn't try. Mediocrity has simply never been an option for me.
With the love that I plan on instilling into my every day life, I'm going to actively seek my life's mission. I thought I found it at one part before. Now, I know that I was just trying to create my life's mission around what others wanted for me. My life's mission is so much more than what I originally thought. I want it to be more. I don't want to limit potential, because I want to learn to love myself.
The past few days have been a sense of release for me. The pain, the anger, the loneliness has disappeared. I now know that I need to live a life for me, enjoying the company of others. Living free, learning, and fighting for the freedom that I so desperately need.
I'm so afraid. It's past the point where fear can get in the way, though. The only goal I'm going to say that I'll be working toward on here is that I'm going to find and start fulfilling my life's mission. There's going to be a lot of work done on my own the next little while so I can fill it. Regardless of fear. I read something kind of inspirational, and this one line hit me so much on a difficult fight with fear in one person's life:
'I'd say without hesitation that it was worth every moment of terror.'
To fulfill something worthwhile, would be worth all the terror that life can sometimes bring. If it's not worth working hard for, it's not worth it.
The most beautiful part of this is that it'll feel like cleansing. Instead of love being something that is given or taken away, it's going to be action. Through meditation, through exercise, through learning I'm going to be cleansing the part of me which has been so hard to tame. Instead of running off of pain, I'll be running with the longing to fulfill my wonderful mission. I will find ways to make my life more possible, and try and surround myself with wonderful influences who inspire me as well. I will not be alone in this journey, and that will be cleansing as well. Instead of closing myself, I want to live myself wide open. Open to experience life with the fullest, purest and most beautiful forms. That is perhaps the scariest point, but I'm past the point of caring. It's past the point of wanting change, the change is already in motion. So producing an oath is almost pointless, except to admit it to myself that it's happening.
I've never seen such fantastic colours, such a release of images, so much peace.
Oath to Love
Will you allow yourself to turn it into an action?
Friday, April 1, 2011
Freedom and Deception
Whoever said “Ignorance is bliss”, I believe to be wrong. Would you still like to believe in the toothfairy? Would you still like to believe that the earth is flat instead of round? Would you like it if someone lied straight to your face just for the sheer amusement of doing so? To be truly honest, most of us don’t care, or at least not enough to do something. We generally figure that a person should ‘know better’ or that it’s not ‘our business. Over all, we’re a very closed society. I bet that once or twice most people have even though ‘but if I told the person, would they even want to know? Would you want to know if you were doing terrible at your job? Would you want to know if you had the worst body odor anyone had ever seen? Would you want to know if friends weren’t going to come over because your house was so dirty? Would you want to know if a spouse was cheating on you, etc.? However, it would be ideal to be able to tell a person the truth. As Arthur Scophenaeuer said, “To free a person from error is to give and not to take away.”The book “Animal Farm”(Orwell, G. 1945) I believe to be a great example of this quote. At the beginning of the book, the animals were trying to fix their system of government. They thought that what the pigs were presenting was the ideal form of government, and that they would be free finally, but slowly the system started reverting back to their original. If someone had thought to say something, than perhaps the results could have been different, but they weren’t. The farm went back to the way it original was, except worse, because of the fact that they once had tasted freedom and then it was taken away.It has been said that “Absolute power corrupts absolutely”. If you just take a look at Russian history, you will see how cruel humankind can be when power is thrown into their hands. How fantastic would it be to have people who were educated in a well-rounded manner, so that they might be able to do good with power instead of cruelty?Freedom can be taken away in many forms, but people want to believe that they have it. People want to ‘bury their heads under the sand’ or ‘shield their eyes’ from what’s happening. Is it logical to try and free a person from error? Probably not. Will it lift something from your conscience? Absolutely. You will feel justified in the fact that you probably helped (or tried to) help a person to do better within their own life. We often feel responsible for another person’s actions even though often it’s not applicable. For instance, when someone strays from a viewpoint they had, you weren’t in contact with them for a while, and they changed their viewpoint. Some people feel like they should have ‘been’ there. They should have tried to support them and maybe their view wouldn’t have changed. When in reality, it probably would have changed anyway.In CS Lewis’s novel “Till we have faces” One of his characters tried to tell the other character that what they were doing was wrong. It wasn’t until the end of the novel, when the character found out for themselves, through much hurt that what the original character was saying was true. Would the character have benefited if they had listened? Most likely. This is often the way we learn things. A person will try and tell us that something is wrong, but until we learn the hard way, the hurtful way, we generally don’t learn. We’ve created too strong of an idea of what our world is. It’s our own pride that keeps us blind. We don’t want to be wrong. We especially don’t want to admit that we’re wrong to someone else.I’m sure many of us have slapped our hands against our foreheads asking why someone will go into patterns for a long time, especially women who seem to cycle into abusive relationships. To the healthy standard person it would seem logical to not get yourself trapped into a situation that would cause emotion harm. Lots of psychologists have done studies which can relate to the study of women in abusive relationships. (Hollis, KL., 1997) Pavlov did an experiment in which he took a dog, put it into a box, would heat up the bottom of the box. The dog would originally try and find a way to escape the heat, but as time went on, the dog would stand there and take it, waiting for it to be over. Pavlov opened up another section of the box where the heat didn’t reach, thinking that the dog would try and go there, but it didn’t. What reason would the dog have for thinking that it would be different anywhere else? This can be related to abused women in the sense that they will wait for the abuse, whether it be mental of physical, to be over. They tend to think that everywhere else will be just as horrible, so therefore it’s harder for them to admit there’s an issue. People could yell at them until their faces turned blue, but ultimately they won’t want to listen. They will want to stay in their own world.A lot of people within religion also like to stay within their own world. Hiding under a mask, telling everyone that God told them to do something. There was once a pope who said, “Even if there’s no such thing as God, we can’t let them find that out.” Aren’t religious ones the people who are trying to ‘free people from error’ by giving truth? Yet, even if they were proved wrong, they wouldn’t want to know that it wasn’t true. Yet another thing to validate the fact that sometimes the lust for power or money can over-ride finding passage ways to truth. However, to free a person from error is the ultimate gift that you can give. Even if a person isn’t willing to listen to you, it is well worth the effort. There is wisdom in what Arthur Scophenaeuer said. Some might feel that to tell a person something would be taking a piece of them away, when really you’re trying to give them what they’ve lost. “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." ReferencesOrwell, G., 1945, Animal Farm, United Kingdom, Secker and Warburg (London)Lewis, C.S., 1956 Till We Have Faces, United Kingdom, Geoffrey BlesHollis, K.L., 1997 Contemporary Research on Pavlovian Conditioning http://portal.psychology.uoguelph.ca/faculty/parker/Psy3430/Hollis1997Nov28..pdf
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