There are destroyers in this world. There is him who has been picking on the wrong people, causing me to grit my teeth. I feel like crying, like punching or kicking, like screaming at you. There are destroyers.
There are mockers. People who find amusement in nit-picking people and degrading them needlessly. People who seem to find no bigger joy in life than pointing and laughing at someone who is seemingly less wonderful than themselves. There are mockers.
There are manipulators. All of us have a little bit of manipulation within us, but I'm talking about the ones who seek to manipulate for the wrong reasons. The ones who can disgust you with the kind of thoughts that they have, and the kind of acts that they do. There are manipulators.
There are all sorts of awful people out there. In some ways I believe that all of us have evil within us. However, like Carl Rogers, I believe that all people are naturally intrinsically good. No person is truly evil through and through. With that being said,
There are humble people. These are generally the helpful people within our society, role models, people who often put us in awe. These are people who take life as it comes, and are comfortable with it. There are humble people.
There are optimists: Some of these people can drive us wild. They never seem to have a problem, and can almost always see the bright side of every situation. They want to brighten other people's lives. It doesn't necessarily mean that their lives are easy, but that they try to make the most of what they are given. There are optimists.
There are inspirational people. Simply put. There are people who know that they have a life's mission. They may not know what that mission is, but they know they need to accomplish it. Inspiration... Creators... Leaders... There are not just good, but amazing people.
I have come to the realization that the only real things that really keeps us from being extrinsically good is: fear. Fear of not succeeding, fear of the unknown sometimes can cause people to not make the best choices.
I've also realized that I want to be the person who stands up for a friend when they're being mocked. I want to be the person who says that they're going to do something, and not just do it, but excel. I don't want to be the person who gives up. Why? I stand for love. Seems strange that I'm saying that for these instances in life. I believe love to be an action word. Not only love toward others, but love toward myself. I have a place in this world. That place needs to become active. I'm the only one who can cause it to happen though.
Even as I'm writing this I feel fear instill in me. I feel like I'm at the end of one cycle, and moving onto another. I'm more than ready to enter into the stage where I know I will feel so much more peace. Fear quakes in every inch of my body. My heart leaps with excitement. I worry about failure, but I also worry about the regret that I would have if I didn't try. Mediocrity has simply never been an option for me.
With the love that I plan on instilling into my every day life, I'm going to actively seek my life's mission. I thought I found it at one part before. Now, I know that I was just trying to create my life's mission around what others wanted for me. My life's mission is so much more than what I originally thought. I want it to be more. I don't want to limit potential, because I want to learn to love myself.
The past few days have been a sense of release for me. The pain, the anger, the loneliness has disappeared. I now know that I need to live a life for me, enjoying the company of others. Living free, learning, and fighting for the freedom that I so desperately need.
I'm so afraid. It's past the point where fear can get in the way, though. The only goal I'm going to say that I'll be working toward on here is that I'm going to find and start fulfilling my life's mission. There's going to be a lot of work done on my own the next little while so I can fill it. Regardless of fear. I read something kind of inspirational, and this one line hit me so much on a difficult fight with fear in one person's life:
'I'd say without hesitation that it was worth every moment of terror.'
To fulfill something worthwhile, would be worth all the terror that life can sometimes bring. If it's not worth working hard for, it's not worth it.
The most beautiful part of this is that it'll feel like cleansing. Instead of love being something that is given or taken away, it's going to be action. Through meditation, through exercise, through learning I'm going to be cleansing the part of me which has been so hard to tame. Instead of running off of pain, I'll be running with the longing to fulfill my wonderful mission. I will find ways to make my life more possible, and try and surround myself with wonderful influences who inspire me as well. I will not be alone in this journey, and that will be cleansing as well. Instead of closing myself, I want to live myself wide open. Open to experience life with the fullest, purest and most beautiful forms. That is perhaps the scariest point, but I'm past the point of caring. It's past the point of wanting change, the change is already in motion. So producing an oath is almost pointless, except to admit it to myself that it's happening.
I've never seen such fantastic colours, such a release of images, so much peace.
Oath to Love
Will you allow yourself to turn it into an action?
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