It's been a very thought provoking night. Lately I've been humbled more than I would've liked to, but then again when is humility easy? Humility leaves room for growth though, which is good right? Growth, growth is good.
My thoughts lead to those of ideas, where they originate and how different people define them. Especially in regard to friendship and love. I once knew a person in whom I chatted with for a great deal of time on what a friend should be. We never came to a conclusion because every idea seemed to contradict itself.
However, love, I have a definitive idea on. It is something so deep, that's it's almost incomprehensible. It's an emotion which is hard to explain. To me, though, it's where you realize that that person is important to you. Somehow, you're able to be open to them. Your life is somehow better with them there. At the same time, it's not without heartache, it's not perfect, and you acknowledge that they're not perfect. If that person left, it would truly matter. You would stand by that person no matter the hardship because you love them. It's a connection which is truly remarkable. You want them to succeed, and you want to do it with them. It's a most beautiful, beautiful thing.
In connection with my last post love is interesting. I mentioned wanting to open my heart. I realize now that often when I say that I love people, my heart is very closed. I feel fond of them but not necessarily a love for them. I think it's been harming me. Now having said that, I realized how loosely I throw around the word love. How terrible is that? For something so beautiful and wonderful as love to be thrown around, and then thinking about friendship, who are my real friends? Friends don't follow as deeply as love but they don't flow as loosely as I let on either. Isn't it a form of lying if I'm saying that someone is a friend or that I love someone if I don't consider them a friend or don't love them? Arg. I think it is. It's a cruel form of lying. It's almost a form of manipulation. It's like I'm trying to make them feel better even though subconsciously I know the truth. Hypocrisy messes with your system, and with the universe.
Not remaining in sync with my own ideas in relation to the universe is a dangerous task to attempt. It will confuse me and the ideas which come in to my sense of reality. I believe that we create our own reality, and if we confuse them, it complicates matters more than necessary. It throws our systems off balance. I've been doing a number to my system. Love matters, friendship matters, and shouldn't be treated lightly. Erm... These aren't the only ideas which I've been thinking about, but have been seemingly important ones.
Remember what I said about humility? I never thought of myself as an overly prideful person. Lately I'm realizing how wrong I was. There are some ideas which I've been fighting heavily which I've decided just to relax on. Actually, relaxing seems to have been my method of things. I've found huge reasons to change, and I'm glad I have. Change has been in the air for a while now and this is just fast forwarding the process.
The best way to describe the change is by an animal which I've been related to. A horse. I was a wild, confused, scared thing.. and now it feels like I'm being tended to. I'm able to relax and am not wanting to be wild because of the care. It is so beautiful to be able to relax and watch my life unfold. I now feel safer in running through the fields.. more freedom to ride.. because my heart is calm...
Funny. I feel like I should technically feel more alone now that I realize my truth about love and friendship, considering I was lying to myself about so much, but I feel closer to those people with whom I associate myself with closely, whom I consider to be a friend. Love is a rare thing to be found, but there is some, and even that much is comforting. It's not about quantity but about quality right?
An idea that I should start defining is that of good quality sleep. Won't that be fun?
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