It's kind of interesting how this is a blog called "... then move forward." and the very first entry is going to be a rant. The first entry is almost of pure anger, and yet I'm hoping that it will turn into passion. For the next little while I might be doing things for the wrong reasons, but at least I'm doing them.
a) I'm hurt. Just plain, flat out, everything hurts. I feel as though I have nothing left to give or to offer. Love is simply drained out of me. My trust has gone down severely. I suppose this makes sense, but the more I try for joy, the more pain seems to happen.
b) I think I need more outlets. I had a painting night last night and quite honestly it was one of the most therapeutic things I've done for myself. Although I'm not artistically inclined, every brush stroke seemed to ease more and more pain.
c) I am sick and TIRED of mediocrity. In myself, in others, I'm just tired of it. We get one life... one life... There is so much that we could be doing with this one life! Why aren't we really living it? I know that I could be doing better, I'm sure other people know that they could be doing better. Why do we just give up? What's so satisfactory about that?
d) I'm tired of being controlled... I think this one is self-explanitory.
e) I'm a toy. I can't be taken seriously. <-- That needs to change.
Maybe I should take a martial arts class? I heard that that was great for vent up anger. I want passion! But I don't want to be walked all over. *sigh*
The glory of pain.
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