Perhaps it's time to go back to being like a child. When I was a child, I read books, wrote stories, sang sons... and just enjoyed life. I knew how to think. I was left open to interpret my own thoughts. There was never anyone there to tell me my thoughts were wrong. It's too bad that time was so short. Practicing thinking for myself would've been a good thing to continue! I can only imagine where I would be today!
When I got friends in high school, I can't pretend that I didn't become a people pleaser. I still am. There's this irrational fear that if I simply state my actual thoughts that people are not going to like me because of it. Other times things sound like good ideas, then I blab on how I feel inspired by it, but then I really think about it, try to figure out where it fits in my life, and then reject it.
I'm starting to feel like most of my life has been dictated to me. "You will believe this, you should do this, what a great idea this is, etc." It's not their fault, it's fully mine, but I'm starting to realize how truly vulnerable I am. It's really hard for me to take the time to think for myself! It's hard for me to consider my real beliefs, values, etc.
So I'm thinking I'm finally going to take that time. It started recently with re-evaluating what I actually think. I know that it's going to get better somehow from here. I'm not saying being a people pleaser is bad, but living my life just for other people? That's bad.
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